A Surrogate’s Journey | Difficult News

After my third positive beta, it was time for me to have my ultrasound. My ultrasound was scheduled for about a week after the last blood test. At the ultrasound, they are looking for a gestational sac and a yolk. If they see the heartbeat, that’s an added bonus.

My Intended Parents and I were all very excited and nervous for the ultrasound. Due to the bleeding I had, we were all a little worried. The day of the ultrasound came and we saw the gestational sac. I was a little disappointed, because I was hoping we would at least see the yolk as well. For my other journeys, the heartbeat was visible at my first ultrasound so I was a little nervous.  I knew that you don’t always see the heartbeat, but I was really hoping to see it. 

The fertility clinic called me and notified me that they could see the gestational sac, but no yolk yet.  They also stated that I had a small hemorrhage which is what had been causing the bleeding.  The clinic said not to change any medications or restrictions.  They also scheduled another ultrasound a week later. My Intended Parents received the email from the fertility clinic stating that they saw the baby. We were all slightly confused, as I was told they saw just the sac. That email did give us a little more hope.

Having a follow up ultrasound is standard practice.  During this ultrasound, they should at least see the yolk.  They should also see that the gestational sac has grown.  The heartbeat should be more evident during this ultrasound as well.   While we waited for the next ultrasound, none of my pregnancy symptoms changed. We were all much more nervous waiting for this ultrasound. I did have a little more bleeding, but it was very minimal.  This ultrasound would tell us where the remainder of this journey would be going.

Two days before the ultrasound, I started getting very nervous and worried that we weren’t going to see what we needed to see. I was still trying to keep faith though. My family and friends kept supporting me and telling me we would see the yolk. They kept my hopes up and I helped keep my Intended Parents hopes up. When the day of the ultrasound arrived, I was nervous for the results. The ultrasound technician was very quiet. I was so nervous that I couldn’t stop talking. Then she told me the results. The sac had only slightly increased and there was no yolk to be seen. My heart completely broke for my Intended Parents. I feel like I let them down. Knowing that the gestational sac was there told me that my body did what it was supposed to do. It doesn’t make the feeling that it was somehow my fault go away. It took a little while for me to accept that it wasn’t my fault and that it was God’s plan for us.

I told my Intended Parents the results as soon as I was in the car. Then I told my husband, and FSC’s Surrogacy Support Coordinator. I cried for a good 15-20 minutes, but I had to move on with my day and head home. I was dreading the call from the fertility clinic with the official news. It took a few hours for the call.  They confirmed that there officially was no baby. The doctor recommended that I should have a D&C through my doctor’s office. I was very upset for my Intended Parents. We talked quite a bit during that time through our text messaging app.

I was able to schedule the D&C at the end of the same week. At first, my doctor recommended that I take some pills to move the process along more naturally. I told my doctor that the fertility clinic recommended the procedure. My doctor agreed and set it up. I was a little scared and nervous, as I have never had this procedure before. I wasn’t sure what I was getting into. I didn’t know whether to expect a lot of pain, a lot of bleeding, or something else. My doctor explained the procedure, and that it would take less than an hour.  She stated that she would open my cervix slightly and remove all of the tissue.  Then she will send a sample to pathology for review. I was also nervous because my body does not do well with anesthesia. (I tend to vomit when coming out of it.) The anesthesiologist told me that they could give me something to assist with that.

The night before the procedure, I had to stop drinking and eating by midnight.  My husband took the day off of work to take me for the surgery.  We arrived and they took me into a room to prep me for surgery.  The nurse came in to put in my IV.  I wish her luck as my veins tend to not cooperate for IV’s!  She tried it in my hand, but the valves in my veins closed before she can get it fully open.  Then she moved to my inner elbow and got it on the first try.  Once the IV was in place and they started me on fluids, it was only a few minutes before I was wheeled to the surgical room.  They had me move from the gurney to the surgical table.  Once I laid down, I was asleep within minutes.  The next thing I knew, I was in the recovery room.  I had no pain and the procedure took less than 30 minutes. 

I was brought back into the prep area to see my husband.  He told me that the doctor notified him that the procedure was the best way to have gone.  She stated that there was a lot of tissue in my uterus.  She felt that if we would have gone with the pills it would have taken quite a long time for all of the tissue to come out and I might have needed the procedure anyway.  I was released from the hospital and my husband and I went home. I spent the next days sleeping and resting.  I had a little pain the first few days, but it was controllable with Ibuprofen. 

At 5 days past my procedure, I still occasionally had a little pain, but it’s like a dull cramp.  I had some slight bleeding, but it seemed to be subsiding.  The doctor’s office called and stated that they had the results back from the pathology lab.  The product of conception (tissue) was benign.  That means that the pregnancy was normal and that there were no cancerous cells.

The next step is for me to follow up with my OB in a couple of weeks.  She will verify that I have recovered from the procedure.  Then we need to wait for me to have a period. After that, I will have a saline sonogram through the fertility clinic.  This is needed to show that my uterus is healed and ready to move forward with the next cycle.  We would love to transfer again prior to the end of the year.  Keeping our fingers crossed for that to happen. Wish us luck!

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